I'm not the girl for him. So maybe he's not the guy for me either.

well what the fuck do you do when life hands you shit?


After all the shit that life has already handed to me, it just keeps piling on.


Hey, Life. Do you think you could give me a fucking break already?

i swear. i know he doesn't know how to act. but fuck. treat me normal. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. if this keeps going on, i won't be able to be friends.

i am miserable. i need to do something that will make me happy.

any suggestions?

i'm so sad.

+ school is over for four months!
- i have summer school
+ i'll get to work more = more money
- i may not get too many hours
+ my dad is looking for a house/condo to buy for me
- i have to move in the hottest month of the year
+ i'll get to paint my walls whatever color i want
- penny is getting surgery
+ my sister will be here the whole summer
- my sister will be here the whole summer
+ alex
+ i'm going on a road trip including sea world!
- alex will be interning out of state
+ kanye west!
++++++++++ it's summer!!!

I think I just about have all the parts of my life on the right tracks, I just really need to work on improving some things. And really try my hardest to make them better. I think after school is over I'll be able to do that more. I'm just stressed with that right now.

While most things are doing good, my one concern is what the hell am I going to do with the rest of my life. The more I intern the more I don't want to be a teacher. I love working with the kiddos, but there are so many things that suck the life out of being a good teacher. I think I'm going to stay in school after I graduate so I have more time to think about what I want to do. I REALLY want to open my own dog bakery/store. I went to 3 dog bakery and absolutely fell in love. That's what I want to do. But where would you even begin with that? The real world sucks sometimes.

yes fuck you. my fucking intern teacher gave me back my midterm appraisal today and the whole thing was checked with "sometimes" and a few "usuallys" her explanation was that I need to interact with the kids more and get to know them personally. This from the teacher who tells me to walk around and help when needed and then tells me how great of a job I'm doing. If I wasn't doing a good job why wouldn't you tell me?? And how do you really get to know the kids well if all I get to do is walk around and 2/3 of the time I'm there she has them on the floor doing lessons?????? She doesn't plan anything for me to do, so I end up walking around answering questions. But even that part of my evaluation she put "sometimes" what the fucking fuck.

i dont feel well mentally. life sucks.

i really just feel like shit and i can't explain it.

He leaves Thursday.

i really don't want to be here. it's uncomfortable.

i hate the bank. they've taken $40 from my account for "overdraft protection fee" which they arent supposed to take because i set it up so it wouldnt do that. then they take that money during the time i need it most.. UGH. and i dont feel like having to deal with them! PLUS i got a 76 on my law final and i needed a 80 to pass. fuuuuuuuuuck. i'm not happy.

i've been working on my last project of the semester (due tonight) for about 2 hours straight. i don't know if i have any more brain power to finish.

i dont know whats wrong with my leg. every morning for the past few weeks i wake up from my left leg aching. it still hurts right now.

i cant find food that i dont want to spit out. every time i think i've found something i take a bite and have to force it down. just this morning i've had a bite of a donut, toast, and an apple/pear. i couldn't eat the rest without wanting to vomit.

I've decided that I'm not going to wait anymore. more on this later.

i'm falling.

i dont feel well. in more ways than one.

this is fucking bullshit.

i dont know how to feel about it.